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Category Archives: Blog
Illusion Or Uniqueness?
Everybody knows that models are actually a lot thinner than what you’d call healthy. Everybody knows, that the photos you see in magazines and ads are pimped with photoshop. Everybody knows, that you should love your own body and not try to crawl behind an ideal that’s simply an illusion.
And yet, if I’d ask you whether you’d like to change something about your body, and how you’d like to look, I’m pretty sure, that you’d want to have a flat belly, a small and tight butt, long and skinny legs, round breasts that are not too small and not too big, and of course a beautiful face (and beautiful depends on what ideal you hunger for – big eyes, small eyes, full lips, or rather thin lips).
It’s strange, isn’t it? I mean, we’re all grown-ups, we all know it better, but we just can’t help it. We fall for the illusion of an ideal, that’s not so ideal at all.
I catch myself with thoughts like that. What you don’t see on the pictures is that I actually have a very impressive butt, very round thighs and a belly that’s a bit smashed after giving birth to my daughter.
I can’t help thinking what I should not think. But I can replace my picture of an ideal body with another one. I can search for another role model.
Because I don’t really want to look like I’m starving, and I don’t really want to be a copy of a woman that was digitally changed.
I want to be me. I want to be strong. I want to be unique. I want to be sensual. I want to be healthy. I want to be fit.
I can only be who I really want to be if I stop going after an illusion and start creating my own reality. A reality that has never been there before (and by the way, gossiping about skinny and/or copying people is a sure sign that you are still buying into this nonsense).
What’s the risk? The risk is that maybe not everybody thinks I’m beautiful – which will happen anyway. The risk is that I will walk into the unknown – which will always happen when you decide to go for something new. The risk is that I will fall flat from time to time – and that, too, will happen anyway.
What do you consider beautiful? I mean, really beautiful? And have you ever thought about how you really want to look and feel? I mean, honestly? I would love to know that!
Image: nixxphotography / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Posted in Blog, Mind and believes
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The wounds of past lives
For a long time I have wondered whether we do live many lives or not. A part of me believed it, another part said don’t be silly, that’s all nonsense.
But if we only have one life, why is it, that children do not come to this earth as a blank paper? They are not a white space that you can fill and form as you like. And this also has nothing to do with different characters or genes.
Children already bring their own stuff into their life.
I see this with my daughter who has always been afraid of any kind of animal, from the fly to the elefant, in spite of loving them from afar and in books, and being so fascinated, that she wants to go to the zoo again and again – only to freak out and panic as soon as we come close (she even freaks out when I place my hand into the cage of our canary…). It has been like this since she was a baby of nine months, and she has never had any bad experiences with animals in this life, nor has she had the chance to develop a negative believe system around animals.
I see the same with me. Continue reading
Why are you doing the things you do?
Why are you working? What do you believe, is really important? What’s the purpose of your life?
Do you believe that life and success means that you go to a steady job, earn lots of money and then go home to your family and spent a couple of hours with them?
Is that it?
Is that really it?
Why are you going to work? Because you want to earn money? Why are you an entrepreneur? Because people say you can earn lots of money?
Really? Are you doing all of this because you want to earn money?
Or is there something else? Are you doing it, because you believe in what you do? Because you want to contribute something to the world? Because you have lots to give? Because you see that there are so many people out there who need just what you happen to be able to offer?
You see, that’s a totally different standpoint from which you can run your business (or do a job for someone elses business). You can do it for the money. But then you are in for a real roller-coster, because you can only be happy if you actually earning money. Your happiness depends on money. Which you have or you don’t. Your are in for an eternal chase. You are in for eternal worries – because even if you earn money, even lots of it – you might lose it!
Or can do it because the job itself fulfills you. Because that way, you can express who you are. Because that way, you can develop and grow. Now you are in for real happiness. Because you are not depended on the outer conditions. You are not dependent on whether you earn money or not. Whether you are successful or not. Whether you reach a certain status or not.
The great thing is: All of these things will probably come as a byproduct.
When you do your job from the second standpoint, you have more energy, deliver better work (easily), and attract more clients.
It’s that easy.
So, if you are once again in that bad mood, and mourn about how you are not earning enough money, ask yourself: What am I doing this for?
And if I do it because I love my job, is my behavior expressing this? Or are there some hidden believes that show up (like, why would you then be mourning, if you just do it because you love your job)? What is this bad mood telling you? Time to explore…
Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Change is not a problem
Everything seems to go down at the moment. It has been like that for a longer time, but now it gains on severity.
Financial crisis. Health crisis. Environmental crisis. Humanitarian crisis. Political crisis. Education crisis.
Everything is falling apart. Everything is changing. Not just in one country. In most countries on this earth.
But you know what? That’s not a problem. You heard right. Change is not a problem.
What is a problem is when we hold on to the old forms. When we refuse to go with the change but decide to go against the change. When we try to hold everything together.
Look at the schools: In Germany, schools have produced one reform after the other, desperately trying to somehow fix the problems we more and more encounter (bored children, increased violence, integration of immigrants, dropouts, ADHD…). They try to fix it by trying to force the children to somehow learn more, concentrate more, deal with even more pressure (and, on the other hand, to integrate those that just won’t obey). They hold on to the believe that the current form of education is the only form that works (which doesn’t). And they are holding on to the belief that children don’t like to learn (which is not true. They just don’t like to learn what we tell them they have to learn now).
Look at the politicians: They somehow try to fix the problems by exercising more and more control and blaming each other for the things that don’t work (and those are many…). They are holding on to the belief that the old forms are the best and they somehow have to make them work. Instead of trying to find new ways.
Those were just two general examples. Look at your own life. What is not working? What are you trying to hold on to? What would happen if you’d just let go for a moment?
Yes, it might mean chaos for some time. But out of that chaos, your new life, your new self is born.
You will find new ways. But you have to let go of the old ones, first!
Have you ever made the experience, that you dared to let go of your old life (or part of it) and start over new? Write a comment below!
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Posted in Blog, Change, Mind and believes
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Miracles are everywhere
When I was 18 years old I went with a friend to Great Britain for a 3-week-long interrail tour. And during those three weeks living in a tent and in trains with hardly any money and everything I needed stuffed in a ruck-sack, with rain every day, I experienced something, that I had never experienced before:
Happiness. Raw, sheer happiness.
I mean, I didn’t have nice clothes, no pretty shoes, not even a real meal other than oats and bread with cheese (no butter). I didn’t have a lot of money… I didn’t even have a lot of sunshine! While Germany experienced an amazing, warm summer, the kind of spend-the-whole-day-at-the-swimming-pool-summer, my days were filled with clouds and eventually rain. We had so much rain, that in our tent mould started to grow.
And yet, we spent the most wonderful two days in Cornwall on a camping site, when 40 km from us a village drowned in the floods.
But why? Why would anybody be happy under those conditions? Many people don’t even go outside when it rains!
Because we didn’t get stuck in bad mood. As if the rain had any influence on how we felt! No, instead of looking at the grey clouds, or ranting about sitting in a train that had to stop for two hours because of a lightning stroke, we saw all the wonderful people that we met, who would joke and laugh with us, that would give us a hand. The fresh air. The sunshine between the clouds. The adventure of being in a foreign country all by ourselves. I swear, miracles happened every day. The man who stopped to give us a ride to a very cheap camping site surrounded by wonderful landscapes. The people in London that gave us their old, still valid bus tickets, so we didn’t have to pay anything in order to get around London. Museums that didn’t charge anything so we could enjoy some culture and art. The Highland Games that took place in the village we were stopping by exactly at the right time. The wonderful men that asked us to put up our tent next to their fire, so that we could share company and food (one of the rare meals we got). All the love from people everywhere. And: the only dry night during the whole three weeks, when we didn’t have time and strength to put up our tent on our first night in England, when we slept in a field.
Miracles are happening all the time, everywhere. It’s just a matter of whether you focus your attention on them or not. Do you rather watch the rain or the sunshine? There’s always a good thing happening around you. There’s always a light somewhere. Find it. The more you focus your attention on the light, the more it will fill your view.
I would love to read your insights in a comment below! Have you made similar experiences? Tell me!
Image: Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How to have an argument and feel nothing but peace
A few weeks ago I had a discussion with my husband that taught me how to communicate from a place of peace and clarity.
You know how those discussions usually go (at least mine…): You start off with the good intention to keep it constructive and peaceful, but then he has another opinion or completely misunderstands you, you try to explain, he doesn’t listen because he’s hurt, then he defends himself and blames you for doing something, now you are hurt and blame him for something and there you have it: You both blame each other and find perfect arguments to prove you’re right. That’s what you call fighting.
So a couple of weeks ago I was fortunate enough to have a sore throat making it impossible for me to speak a lot of words. Every time I would join my husband in telling stories and finding arguments, my voice failed. I simply couldn’t speak. Now what? I was forced to find the essence of what I was trying to say. The core. Just a very short phrase. It was something like: “I want to be heard.”
Notice how it’s not ”You don’t listen to me!”. It’s not “You are doing it wrong!”. It’s “I want to…”, “I need…”, “I feel…”.
And it’s also not “I feel terrible because you don’t listen to me!”. See how that’s putting you in the blaming mode again? See how that’s really hurting him? Because you just said “I feel terrible because of you.” Accepting that you are the cause of somebody’s pain is very painful. No wonder he’s trying to defend himself.
So it’s “I want to be heard.” As simple as that. You know you’ve hit the core of the issue because in the same second you feel peace. No anger, no hurting. Peace.
If you stick to the essence, you can be in the middle of an argument, your partner can have a whole tantrum over things, and all you feel is peace and love.
I know because I’ve experienced it, and it’s one of the most profound things I’ve ever learned.
So my homework for you (if you’re willing to take it) is that the next time you have an argument you stick to the essence. Drop all the stories for a moment, everything that he’s doing wrong, and that’s you making you sick. What do you really want? Where’s your peace?
Please write a comment below and share any insights you got. I love to hear them.
Image: prozac1 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Learn from my daughter how not to be hurt
Wohooo!
For the first post of this blog I want to tell you a story of my daughter Marwa. She just turned two, and this happened about two months ago.
So we started kindergarden at the time (btw, she loves it, and the kids in there are sooooo wonderful). While I was sitting on the couch I could watch some of the boys making fun of a girl (boys…). The boys were around five years old, the girl must have been four or five. Now, this girl, which I will call Abigail, is very sensitive to things like that and immediately started crying, which was absolutely no reason for the boys to stop. The whole situation kind of escalated, because now the nanny wanted to help and protect Abigail, and the boys just didn’t stop, and even telling Abigail that she shouldn’t take those boys too seriously didn’t comfort her.
Some days later, my daughter was in a similar situation. The boys (who are normally really nice btw) called her a little baby. I’m sure this would have been very hurting to Abigail. But my daughter wasn’t even two, she didn’t know that this was supposed to be hurting, that telling her things like that was about teasing her. All she knew was that those boys were having a great time. And she wouldn’t be Marwa if she would miss the opportunity of having a good time. She started laughing and jumping and was enjoying it. She thought they were playing with her.
The boys really liked her reaction. Eventually they stopped teasing her, because it didn’t have any effect on her anyway. Instead they started playing with her.
Now, what’s the difference? Abigail was about five, so she already “understood” what this was all about. She believed they were making fun of her and didn’t like her. That they were mean to her. She believed it so hard, that even the nanny telling her different didn’t convince her.
What would have happened if she had dropped the story that they were mean to her? If she were suddenly unable to think that they didn’t like her? Imagine that for a second. Same situation, only without the thought.
I guess she might have been able to see it like Marwa: That they were having a good time. She might have joined them. And they would probably have stopped teasing her.
Amazing, isn’t it? That was really a light-bulb going on for me. I mean, I know in theory that if I would just stop taking this so serious, it would all be fine. But to actually see the same situation, one with a hurting believe involved, and one without was truly eye-opening.
How about you? Have you ever witnessed a situation like that? Have you ever been hurt by people making fun of you? What if you took a look at the situation again, imagining that you were unable to think whatever painful thought was occurring? Just for a second? How would that be?
Write a comment below, I would love to hear from you!
Image: Tina Phillips / FreeDigitalPhotos.net